Saturday, October 22, 2005

How Do You Mend a Broken Blog?

Help! Won't somebody pleeease help me? My blog is broken...I have no idea what happened, because I am a techno-idiot; I am one of those people that they write the "Dummies" series for....& I still can't get it right!
It all started night before last. I was so happy then (sob)! I actually had a photo I wanted to post to go with "The Waiting Is the Hardest Part," where I had painstakingly painted (with a non-optical mouse & a lot of unhelpful help from cats trying to catch said mouse) a devil costume & flames on a photo of myself - I was so proud! And as they say, pride goeth before a fall....and now I've fallen & I can't get up!
I thought I had just successfully posted the photo to my blog on the "create" page - then I published the blog. Went to the bathroom. Came back to view it & the text was there, but no photo! So I went back to "edit" & my text is there, but no photo...& so I went to download the photo again, but...guess what! I no longer had a PHOTO ICON. In fact, I no longer had ANY ICONS on my toolbar....AT ALL!!!! Thus making it a tool-less toolbar. If a toolbar has no tools, can it even still be called a toolbar? So, wouldn't that really mean, I no longer HAVE a toolbar?

Is this situation covered in the HELP section of Blogger? Of course not - I am obviously the ONLY idiot in the history of blogging to have effectively eliminated their own toolbar.
Therefore, I can only conclude that my manipulated photo was so UNSIGHTLY, that it seriously offended the Internet gods, who zapped the computer with lightning bolts & BROKE MY BLOG!

My only other theory is that my blog was hacked into by....MY CATS. (I have to type this part very quietly. They're watching me right now....) You see, my cats have become EXTREMELY jealous of the attention I pay to this strange box; how I stare at it for hours (even more than that other noisy box (TV) I often stare at, instead of gazing with admiration uponTheir beauty); and I play with that clickety mouse on a string & NEVER give them a turn with it....they really hate that. So they had the Motive, AND they had the Opportunity - I DID get up to go to the bathroom while I waited for my blog to publish, & NOT ONE CAT TRIED TO FOLLOW ME IN THERE! Very suspicious behavior on their part! Usually I can't go in there to blow my nose without one or more of them keeping me under their intense scrutiny. (Normally I'm under their 24 hour surveillance; they have shifts & everything. Really!) But this time, when I came out, not one cat was looking at me; they were all lying around the floor under the computer table, looking very casual & nonchalent....just a little TOO innocent-looking if you know what I mean!
On the other hand, there is further evidence that I may be paying penance to the Internet gods: I am caught in some terrible loop with Outlook Express, wherein my server is listed incorrectly. It won't let me correct it. Therefore, I CANNOT contact anyone at Blogger for help. Ever. As far as Outlook Express is concerned, I have made a VERY serious server address error & I MUST be punished & kept from contact with anyone, ever, EVER again. To them, I am a wayward sinner in the Internet society who must be shunned for the good of the world wide web.

If anyone out there has any advice (including appropriate sacrifices to appease the pissed off Internet gods & which wine I should serve with it), please, PLEASE comment here! Or contact Blogger for me! Or call Bill Gates! Something! Anything!!

Uh-oh. I just had a thought (rare occurence, I know) - what if it's my computer, ITSELF! Sort of a 2001 HAL "I'm sorry, I can't open the pod door" type thing....If that's the case then I guess I'm just ERROR/errOR/user error/illogical sequence encountered/cannot execute command//

1 comment:

TAL said...

Dear Terri,
I was summoned by the Cyber Gods to help you with your Byte Monster problem. Yes, you have a Byte Monster. What you must do is pay a tribute to the Cyber God of Blogging. Follow these instructions exactly:
1. Go to
2. Purchase a T-shirt which says "I Love Blogging"
3. When you receive your T-shirt take a photograph of yourself, your girlfriend or any really pretty girl modeling it. If you really want to please the Cyber Gods you will also buy an "I Love Blogging" hat, mouse pad, mug, jersey, sweatshirt and calendar.
4. After you post your "I Love Blogging" photographs notify me so I can link to your blog from my link page at
Doing this will make the Cyber Gods very happy and your blog will be blessed that it will increase in popularity over time.
As for the Byte Monsters, I know how to kill them but first you must appease the Cyber Gods.